Here is a New Year's resolution you almost never hear:

 "This year I vow to keep everything the same, I am going to weigh the same, exercise the same, talk to all of the same people and be exactly the same."

The women next to me in line said to her friend, "I am so tired of people telling me what I should do. I just want to yell, STOP SHOULDING ON ME!"

I could not help but smile a bit. Not at her annoyance and frustration, but at the phrase, 'stop shoulding on me.' I thought, "What a great expression."  The expression stayed with me for days. I think it resonated because I see so many of us (me too) put ourselves through all kind of agony over what we SHOULD do versus what we really want to do.

I wonder, what is causing us more conflict, the things other people tell us we should do or the 'shoulding' that we do to ourselves?

Do you do things because you SHOULD do them or because you WANT to do them? How many times have you said something like this?

Did you blink? Here it is again, another holiday season! Do you love this time of year or do you dread it? Perhaps your feelings are a bit mixed. Your holiday experience can be really upsetting, tiring and stressful OR your holiday season can truly be one of peace and joy. The choice is up to YOU.  Your thoughts and actions during this time will define your holiday experience. You cannot control the thoughts and actions of others, but you can take control of your own thoughts and actions. Think of this time of year as an opportunity, an opportunity to continue to grow and strengthen your ability to treat yourself and others with compassion and respect.  How? Here are five tips to get you through this season in peace and not in pieces.

And which one do you use most often?

When you understand how you handle conflict, you can begin to understand when your approach is effective and when it is not. Then you can learn to adapt your behavior and draw from different conflict resolutions styles as-needed. There are five conflict handling modes and one of these is your preferred mode. These five modes come from the TKI or Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument.

Your hands are sweating; your stomach is in knots. Once again you have a client who has become truly obnoxious. Somehow they are driving you crazy. If you say left, they say right. The hiring honeymoon is over and now you see that your client is – believe it or not – a difficult person.

A little compassion can go a long way.  Imagine for a moment that one of your co-workers comes into the office late and in a bad mood. You have been waiting for them because you need their input to finish writing a proposal for a customer. You walk into their office and they snap at you, “What do YOU want?”