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Do You Yell?
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| Written by Margaret Meloni |
Do you raise your voice at the office? When you are happy do you let out loud exclamations of joy? When you want to make a point, do you raise your voice for emphasis?
Maybe you have one special person that you talk to when you need to vent. You probably look forward to talking with this person, they are a really great listener and you feel so much better after you let off steam. Well how is that situation working for them?
I have heard a similar story from multiple coaching clients. It goes like this:
“I had to leave that company; I could not take it any longer. The person I worked for was always yelling and complaining. The thing is, he was yelling at me for things that happened with other people. None of these people worked for me, I did not know what I was supposed to do about it. Sometimes he would call me when I was at home in the evening or on the weekend, just to yell about someone else. I was a nervous wreck.
You know what was really odd? When I gave my resignation my boss was really shocked and surprised.”
After asking this person a few questions, here is what we (my client and I) learned together:
• The ex-boss in question gave them great reviews.
• The ex-boss in question gave them great raises.
• Other than the yelling, there was no indication that the boss was displeased with my client at all.
Here is what I call the ‘Aha’ moment.
“Oh, they weren’t yelling at me, they were yelling to me. They were using me to vent and I thought I was in trouble all of the time. It was just so stressful.”
So think about it, have you ever been the yelling boss or co-worker? It is OK to vent.
Ask permission first. Some people are willing to be your partner in this type of exercise and others are not. Please know the difference!
The person who has been on the receiving end of your yelling can tell you how much it bothers them. Yes, they can ask you if you are yelling at them or to them. But if you are their direct manager, you are placing them in an extremely awkward position. And silence is not always acceptance.
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