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Teaching Others How to Treat You
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| Written by Margaret Meloni |
Have you ever heard the expression, ‘You teach people how to treat you’? It means that as people are getting to know you they are learning how they can or cannot treat you. And you are getting to know the same things about them.
This is true on a personal and a professional level. In general, whatever behaviors you tolerate from others in the beginning will be considered acceptable for the duration of your time together. The challenge is that the longer you spend in a job or with a team or a company, the more difficult it becomes to change habits and behavioral patterns.
Have you ever seen something like this happen?
Jane Doe and John Smith have been working together on a mission critical implementation for several months. John always greets Jane by saying, “Hey my little Janey Brainy how are you today?” Jane usually ignores him. But after one particularly intense weekend of overtime, Jane snaps and yells at John, “I am not your Janey Brainy you big fat idiot.” And bummer for Jane, she loses it in the middle of a team meeting, EVERYONE heard her. Did they sympathize with her? No, they thought “What is her problem, he was just saying hello?”
Jane hated being called Janey Brainy from the first moment John ever said it. But she tried to ignore him, hoping he would stop saying it. Too bad, she did not find a tactful and professional way to let him know. Sure it is difficult to let someone know you have an issue. Especially that person who will tell you, “But I was only kidding.” Or the boss who tells you, “Oh the late hours and working on Saturdays is just for a few more weeks.”
This is why it is a good idea to know what you want from a job or professional relationship before you accept the offer or enter into an agreement. If you know what you want and you understand your boundaries, you can teach people how to treat you right away. It really is easier to face it and fix it now, then have a meltdown later.
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